JOHN (drunk): FUCK! I'm on easyedge! CANCEL!

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KELLY: Well I'll be in town this weekend you know, because I have my Teach for America interview on Thursday...
JOHN: (Laughs loudly)
KELLY: Why is that funny?
JOHN: Because I can't believe you have to do that...again. Because this time around you just know how much it sucks.

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(mom just got back from Brazil)

DAD: Let's go!
MOM: I'm on Brazil time. Over there they're late for everything!
DAD: Well I'm on America time and leaving now.

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MOM: And the decible level over there is just so high! It is so loud! But Brenna says she barely even notices it anymore.
ANNA (amy's bff): Well maybe she has a q-tip stuck in her ear.

(this quick reference is to a few years ago when brenna was on the phone and lost the cotton part of the q-tip in her ear but didn't find it until months later when she was doing hearing tests for UW doctors in Honduras)

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(Two things: First, there are several cop cars in our neighborhood Saturday night and second, my mom is a bit of a nosy neighbor- we call her "gladys cravits," the neighbor from Bewitched.)

KELLY: And then when I drove down Crestview there were cops on foot with a dog up there.
MOM: I know! I saw a cop car stop to talk to the police walking and when I went to take the trash out...
DAD: She just *happened* to take the trash out at 11 o'clock on a Saturday night.
MOM: It was overflowing with coffee grounds! Anyway, I said "what's going on?"
KELLY: And they said "mind your own business, crazy"?
MOM: No, they said there was a violent domestic incident on the 700 block and I said "what? we know everyone on the 700 block" and he just goes (shrugs shoulders).
KELLY: Well you better get on top of this. Go down to the 700 block and start knocking on doors.
DAD: Yeah (fake knocks) "Are ya happy?"