At the Hospital with Grandpa

MOM: How do you feel?
GPA: Good except it feels like i've been put in a cell in alcatraz.

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MOM: This place looks pretty high-tec.
GPA: Yeah, every time they put something in my ear it costs me $50.

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MARY ELLEN: You know, his surgeon also did surgery on the former Governor of Illinois.
GPA: Yeah. A long time ago.

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MARY ELLEN: ...and I asked him I said "the governor's surgeon! Is that good enough for you? Is it good enough you even though the governor was a republican?" and he said "as long as he only works on my left side."

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MOM: Were you born in a hospital?
GPA: Oh yes. Just barely, though. I was almost born in a bank, which I always thought was ironic since I don't remember my parents ever having a bank account growing up.

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MOM: It's a good thing this didn't happen on Saturday (when he was receiving an award).
GPA (matter-of-factly): Well I wouldn't have let it happen. I don't disappoint my public.