March 17, 2002 - LIVE LONG AND PROSPER

DELIRIOUS: Let's get honest here. Kelly, anyone that would dump you for Star Trek should have his penis cut off, thrown in a ditch, called by Lorena Bobbitt, and kicked in the face.

CARLOS: and then after they cut off his penis they can mail it to the "CLING-ON"

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DELIRIOUS: You know, when you don't drink very often and then you do get drinking, you want to drink.

KELL: Or if you don't drink for a long time and get your ass dumped.

DEL: YES! And then you drink with your friend that got HER ass dumped!

KELL: You didn't get your ass dumped...remember?

[long pause]

DEL: I'm saying I'm the friend...I think I just drooled on Carlos.

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DEL: Kelly, you can do so much better than a man that watches Star Trek. I mean, come on! He wasn't even stoned!

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KELL: Dude, Delirious is such a friend, coming down here, talking her shit. I didn't even want to get out of bed this morning, but she comes down here and puts a smile on my face.

D: No, I just knew you were vulnerable and would feed me liquor.

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CARLOS (when he hears about the breakup): Live long and prosper.[puts up trekkie hand symbol]

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EM: Today is "beach party day" in the cafeteria.

KELL: Oh excellent. Rejection tastes so good with fruit punch.

EM: UM...I think they're out of punch.

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EFF: Kelly, you have the best breakup stories. I'm sorry but you do. I'm high. You want to go to Red Lobster and break up?

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EM: Kelly, you need to tell him that you don't respect him as a friend; you definitly don't respect him as your boyfriend, and you're not too sure you respect him as a human being!

[the next day after the break-up, Jared calls]

JARED: So, I hear it didn't go so well.

KELL: Why? What did you hear?

JARED: That you don't respect him as a human being.

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EM: He subbed out before the first quarter! Tell him you don't know who his coach is, but he's not scoring any points.

[**this is mostly to show how EM is the queen of analogies]

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EM: Spring break will be good for you. We need a break from him.

KELL: WE?

EM: Yeah, you just need a break from him and I need time to recover from that laugh.