Plaintiff

(after many years, uncle Mart left the public schools and started up at a private school)

MARTY: Tomorrow is teacher training day. They're gonna teach me how to hold a pencil. "Wait a minute... why does this keep erasing?"

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GRAMPS: Back when Schaller was a drunk someone told him, "You're the nicest degenerate I ever met."

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JOHNNY: Elvis died a month after I married my starter wife.
TOM: Otherwise known as, "plaintiff."

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PHIL: I'm not gay or anything, but if I HAD TO pick a cellmate...

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JALONNA: Do you think he's back with his [ex-girlfriend]?
KELLY: No...not really.
JALONNA: Well do you know where she lives? Cuz some night you should drive over there and look for his car... That's something I would LOVE to do with you.