Do No Harm

(substitute teacher I know is standing out in the hallway, looking in at the class)
KELLY: Are you teaching from the hallway now?
JEFF: First rule of teaching: Do No Harm.

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CARRIE: What does it mean to be self-conscious?
STUDENT: You passed out!

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KELLY: I heard what you just said.
STUDENT 1: What? FUCK YOU! I didn't say nothing. I didn't say a fucking goddamn thing to you so shut the fuck up with your lies!
STUDENT 2: Dude. You might want to check your med levels.