April 05, 2002 - DELICIOUS BOOTY

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MY FILM PRODUCTION TA (on script writing): Don't write "never let me go" and things like that, because no one actually says things like that--and if you do, you should probably stop.

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KELL: Gabe G is coming to my class on Wednesday. It's not 'til 4, so I'll have all day to prepare.

EM: And we're back to the good ol' days of skipping classes to get ready to "bump into" Gabe.

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AMY P (about our film prof): You can't tell she's pregnant? Her naval totally sticks out. And you can see it in her eyes. They totally say "I don't care about you kids. I'm going home to have a baby."

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THE NEXT TWO ARE FROM MY FILM PRODUCTION CLASS WHEN WE WERE MAKING A CEREAL COMMERCIAL:

ED: Can we make this a porno?

GABE G: Um, if you need me, I'll be in the refridgerator.

KELL: Yeah, that's how most pornos I've seen start.

(*this is obviously only to prove that GG and I have had some dialogue*)

RACHEL: Are you ready?

TOM: I was born ready. My parents made cereal ads together in the '70s.

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JON: There seems to be a lack of balance with him.

KELL: God! Why can't I date someone balanced??!!

JON: Um...I don't know...

KELL: Are you saying I'm unbalanced?!

JON: Shit. Was it that obvious?

KELL: You just called me unbalanced!

JON: Yeah, but you're unbalanced in a good way.

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KELL: He keeps trying to make it a winner/loser situation. It's not about who's wrong or right....'cause I'm right...but that's not important.

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ERIN (delirious' roommate): I didn't get "Memento" at all. I hated it. I had to go pray for an hour after it was done.

KELL: Oh man. Erin, never see "Mulholland Drive". You'd be praying for years.

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(about Mike in "American Movie")

DELIRIOUS: I know people like him.

KELL: I'm *related* to people like him.

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DELIRIOUS: I lived way out in the boonies- dark streets. The only time you ever saw a cop was when your dog got run over.

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DELIRIOUS: I had the worst day today.

KELL: Why?

D: Well, I woke up with Christmas lights on my face. And then I thought about taping them back up for 5 seconds.

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ANTHONY (erin's boyfriend-explaining why he was fired-he was 3 hours late the 1st 2 days): And the third day I was only ONE MINUTE late. ONE MINUTE! Well, somewhere between one and fifteen.

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DELIRIOUS: One night and you guys are already spooning!

KELL: We didn't really spoon though.

ERIN: No, we sporked.

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DELIRIOUS (after I told her how I got my computer): Dude! Your computer was stolen from DEAF HONDURANS!

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JOE (Del's friend- after I told about how my dad sold day-old doughnuts and twinkies to middleschoolers to make a profit): Your dad is a con artist! What nationality is he? Is he part of Madison's Great Twinkie Mafia?

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CARLOS: What are you doing for break?

KELL: Going to Gulf Shores with my family.

CARLOS: So your dad's had a good year in twinkie sales?

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JESS (Del's friend): It sounds like your dad has lost a few marbles.

DELIRIOUS: and the rest are loose.

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DELIRIOUS (about how erin's parents buy anthony gifts): Her parents buy him presents. My parents let Eric in the house.

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DELIRIOUS: No! You don't tell me I have a man voice and then expect me to love you!

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ERIN: Is she black?

DELIRIOUS: No, but she did grow up in northern Minneapolis.

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DELIRIOUS: ALF was the man. When you are a Burger King puppet you *know* you are the man.

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DELIRIOUS: Is that a dip?

KELL: A what?

D: a dip!

K: a dip?

D: Please don't tell me I have to explain the terminology to you. CHEW!

K: oh.

D: Have you ever tried chew?

K: tobacco?

D: no, your ass! what are you doin' to me?

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EM: Your room looks like a goat came and played in here.

(goat jokes are probably only funny to a select few. I realize this- but too bad)
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EM: I just think it's a little weird to make out with residents.

NESSA: Depends on who the resident is.

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JIM S: You should've seen me in college. It was five and a half years I didn't know who I was.

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KATIE O: Sometimes I feel like you stay up all night and sleep all day.

KELL: Sometimes I feel that way too...

EM: Sometimes I feel like that's the only way it is.

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KELL: Mom, dad just said he's going to start smoking pot when he turns 60.

MOM: Good. Maybe he should start now-- mellow him out a little bit.

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DAD: We saw her at "La Misurellie"

KELL: You mean "Les Miserables"?

DAD: That's what I said.

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DAD: Next thing we know, you'll be wearing one of those "Delicious Booty" shirts.

AMY (my sis): What? You mean "bootylicious?

DAD: Yeah.