KRISTIN: One-Legged man was like...I'm sorry- is that rude? Should I not call him that?

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(Nick is the bartender)
KELLY: Nick's a play-ah.
KRISTIN: How do you know that?
KELLY: He knows EVERYBODY!
KRISTIN: He WORKS here!

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R: Damn Ms. R- how you gonna try to fit through the door at the same time as me?
KELLY: Well I would be at the Y right now, but instead I took you to Chuck E. Cheese!
T: What you gonna do at the Y? You just go up there to look at people.
(singing "I'm a Flirt" by R. Kelly)
T: "And I go up to that Y- cuz I'm a FLIRT!"
R: "You know I ain't lost a pound- cuz I'm a FLIRT!"

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(there's a traffic situation that causes me to say "shit")
R: Listen to Ms. R curse all white. "ShiTTT." When she curses you KNOW she's cursin'. She makes sure to put that "t" on the end.
R and T: SHITTT!
R: We should have had Ms. R handle those bitches back there. She would have been like, "GoDDamn iTT! What the fuCKK is going on? Get your aSSes in the fuCKKing car now!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

ADAM B: He borrowed my crock pot (to me) my crack pipe.
MEL: Wait what did he borrow?
ADAM B: He borrowed my crock pot.
MEL: Okay, that's what I thought.
ADAM B: I was kidding and said my crack pipe. Yes, I've started smoking crack in honor of lent. This year I'm not giving anything up- I'm ACQUIRING things.