From Europe

(changing pants on the train)
ALEX: Do you want me to stand in front of you?
KELLY: No...I'll just do it in the bathroom.
ALEX: That's what she said.

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(tray on train)
ERIKA: I can't get it up.
ALEX: That's what she said.

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(after several days of LOTS of eating)

ALEX: Should I put nutella in my capaccino?
KELLY: Sure. Why not? You only live once.
ALEX: Half that if you keep eating ten slices of pizza and cheese fondue.

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(woman's child cries for the entirety of a 3 hour plane ride)
DUDE GETTING OFF PLANE: That lady is NOT getting a Christmas card from me.
CHICK: That makes two of us.

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KELLY: Did you bring a CD player or anything?
ERIKA: No, I'm not very tech saavy. I don't even own an ipod. It's okay- I have the songs that play in my head and the voices that talk to me.

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(at the airport food court)

DUDE: Mom. I'm at the hotel....YES!....We're sitting here in the hotel.....yes...Scott, tell her we're at the hotel.
(puts phone up to scott)
SCOTT (presumeably): We're at the hotel.
DUDE: SEE? I told you! We're at the hotel.