JC (age 6): I know you're crying on the inside.

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(about a parent meeting)
SARAH T: ...and he was like, "Well I was in a special class when I was in school." And she goes, "Really? Me too!" And I was just like, "Seriously? Am I seriously witnessing you all have this conversation for the first time at this very moment?"

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MS. S: Did you pay her in Clooneys?
KELLY: What's this?
MS. S: We're talking about money right now and we were asking them who was on the quarter. One of the kids said it was George Clooney.

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RAMON: You know who has little man's syndrome for real? Mrs. H.

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(my first grade class is four african american kids and one white girl)
A.L. (singing): Blah, blah black sheep.
KELLY: It's BAH BAH black sheep.
(everybody starts singing "blah blah black sheep")
R.C.: Okay, can errybody stop with the black sheep?
KELLY: Although in here, we're all kind of like black sheep...
A.L.: K-'s not though. K-'s a white sheep.

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(Kelly walks into the apartment and sees Mel watching her all-time favorite show, "The Mary Tyler Moore Show")
KELLY: Oh my god are you really watching this?
MEL: Yeah, I really like it!
KELLY (sitting down): This could be the greatest year of our lives.

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(talking about me being "emotionally unavailable)
KATIE D: Are you kidding? In the last month you've met like two guys.
KRISTIN (turns to Katie): Well Katie, clearly Kelly's made herself PHYSICALLY available, but that's not what we're talking about.

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(Kristin always talks about how Marco the bartender wears a ridiculous number of layers)
KRISTIN: And he was like, "Can we talk?" and I was like, "Is it about your layers?"

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(Marco goes to put on a sweatshirt)
KRISTIN: KELLY! Check it out. There must have been a chill in the air cuz here comes layer number five!