April 12, 2002 - LIKE FREE PORN

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DELIRIOUS: How do you spell eroticise?

KELL: I don't know. Let me check my journal quick.

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KELL: You're killin me here. Since you don't smoke any more I feel like every time you want to smoke I have to take advantage of it. It's like that episode of "Friends" when they get free porn and can't turn it off.

DELIRIOUS: Did you just call me free porn?

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(after staying up for 40 hours writing papers together)

KELL: I've hit a state of total delirium.

DELIRIOUS: Well, I'm listening to Paula Abdul- What does that tell you?

K: I don't know, but I'm writing it down.

D: WHY IS THIS MY LIFE?!

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AUB: He's probably got to use the reflection of that window to give himself a trim.

DELIRIOUS: What's this? I'm missing some information!

KELL: No! You don't get to know until you tell us who showers with the shower curtain open!

AUB: Let's just say that someone from 3 should meet someone on 2- they would have things to talk about.

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(in cafeteria)

DELIRIOUS: Look at that girl right there. She's so weird. Jesus loves her, though.

KELL: Who does?

D: Jesus! So I'm trying to love her too, but seriously this girl is THE non-handwasher. It's not like she forgets, though. She walks in, scrubs her hands--hot water, soap, everything. She then goes INTO the stall to pee and leaves right after. I don't get it. What, she doesn't want to get her piss dirty?

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(after explaining that "zoobas" are '80s hammer pants with zig-zags)
DELIRIOUS: You are so much smarter for knowing me. I can't believe you didn't know what zoobas were...So what's your quiz on?

KELL:Um...I don't know. Whatever we've been doing for the last semester.

D: Oh man. You're screwed. You better hope they have some zooba questions on that quiz.

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DELIRIOUS: I'll be your conscience. I'll be your Jimminy Cricket.

KELL: I think I like you more as my free porn.

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CARLOS: Between you and Kelly I can't decide who is more emotionally unstable.

KELL: I'm not emotionally unstable!

C: You're not emotionally unstable? Did you forget about us having to come over here to get hammered when you took an emotional bounce after that chach dumped you?

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(Brenna was IMing while on the phone with me and getting easily distracted)
KELL: Brenna! Focus on ME!

BRE: What? Oh sorry. I can't concentrate. I'm not that disfunctional.

KELL: You're not that "disfunctional"?

BRE: yeah.

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(watching "Felicity")

EM: Dude- if she gets her ass kicked out of school, what place is going to take her?

AUB: Edgewood.

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DAD: Somehow I was listening to "Delilah" on the radio and this lady calls in and is like "My daughter is 2 and a half and she's my best friend." I'm thinking, "Hey lady, call back in 11 years- you probably won't request any songs for the bitch then"

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AMY: You had arthritis in your knees?

MOM: Yeah- for 20 years before he figured it out.

(we all laugh because he's old and senile)
DAD: That's because I'm not a whiner. I shrug off the pain. Oh, you laugh now (to amy) but it's genetic! You'll be hunched over and crippled with arthritic knees before you're 30!

WAITRESS (looking confused): Can I help you?

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MOM: What about Brenna?

DAD: Who cares? She says she has a ride home, but we all know that she'll call at 10:30 not knowing where she is or who she is.

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MOM: I hope that Brenna finds a nice boy that would be good to her.

KELL: What about me? Don't you want ME to find a nice boy?

(table errupts into laughter for several minutes)
MOM: Kelly, you're just...well, Brenna's so sweet...and you're just...tougher and more jaded. You just want a boy you can make fun of.