August 2002 -

Katie OB(about an episode of law and order where the defense attorney used a wedding band on a string and a pencil as a metaphor to explain that rape doesn't exist): Okay, first of all, vaginas are anchored...

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KELL: My body is always aching and I'm always tired. What kind of disease do you think that is?

AMY (sis): lazy-ass disease.

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KEV(about his limited german vocabulary): I'm just scared that I'll sound illiterate. I will be like, "can I just NOT be stupid for two minutes?!"

KELL: Welcome to my life.

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EM (at the Melissa Etheridge concert) Let's do a quick mullet count. Look! Four major mullets in a row!

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MARY ELLEN (gramps' wife): Bill, where's *YOUR* cell phone?

GRAMPS: In the phone booth- where it belongs

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BRE: Just because I'm confused and don't catch onto things as quickly as you do, doesn't mean I know what you're doing

KELL,AMY & DAD: What?

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UNCLE BERNIE: So, Sheila, what are you thinking about doing with your life?

SHEILA: I'm thinking about being an art therapist.

BERN: What's that?

SHEILA: It's just like doing therapy using art.

KELL: the name pretty much sums it up.

BERN: Oh. Well I thought maybe they counseled artists and tried to talk them into getting a real job

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(as told by BERNIE)

JONNY KERR (Gramps' friend who is a sports commentator for the Bulls): Thank God for the NBA-- otherwise there would be a lot of seven foot janitors.

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ALICE (old lady I work for that has memory loss, but a sense of humor about it): I was going to remember who that lady was but I forgot to remember.

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(sign in the window of an old VW van): *WE ARE NOT HIPPIES*

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EDWARD (old man from work that walks really slow): I'm comin'! I'm comin'! But then again, so is Christmas.

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AUNT AMY: We are just an argumentative family, aren't we!

SHEILA: no.

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KELL: I miss the good ol' days when everyone hated matt.

KATIE OB: Don't worry. He's just on hiatus. In a few months he'll date someone else and a whole new group of people will hate him.

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KELL: No wonder I'm this way. Every Christmas Eve until I was 5 was spent with all of your friends in a bar!

MOM: Yeah, you ruined a good tradition!

AMY (sis): What, you miss the days when you'd get drunk on Christmas and end up crying alone in your room?

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