August 2003 -

Chachy Dave:I'm not against getting a dog drunk. I fed Jack Daniels to a cow once. (Kelly writes it down) I can't believe someone wants to quote me! That's so cool!

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KELLY: How come no one ever misses me?

AMY: Probably cuz you never leave.

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MATT (on how to get away with a murder): Well, you're yoing to want to be removed from the victim.

KELL: Yeah, it would help if you were a stranger, but who wants to kill someone they don't know?

MATT: I do. I want to kill people I don't know all the time. Those are the ONLY people I want to kill.

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BRENNA: I don't know about dad these days. He just seems not all there.

KELL: How?

BRE: I don't know...

KELL: He came out tonight with black pants and that navy blue blazer.

BRE: See? That's what I mean. Something's not clicking up there. He's starting to remind me of Tess (our dog with dementia).

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Dean of Students LUO LUO: Like one time a resident put feces in a pizza box. Most people are shocked and like "What?!?!" but other RAs just nod and are like "Yup. Now let me tell YOU one."

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KELLY (at a long ass diversity training session that lasted way past dinner time): I hope no one else talks.

KEVIN: Well, I just want to make the point that...

KELL & EMILY LOH: (sigh!)

E-LOH: That's it. He's mafia. Kill him.

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KELLY: If training was a drinking game and we all drank every time they said "community", we would all be dead.

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KELLY (trying to convince people to have another drink): Whatever! live life to the fullest or die.

KEITH: What, did you see that on a NO FEAR shirt somewhere?

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MOM: Look at Brenna. She's got an ankle brace on and platform shoes.

BRE: Yeah. I'm a walking oxymoron.

KELL: That's funny! Did you just think of that now?

BRE: No...I've been thinking about it for a while now.

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COP: What kind of alcohol have you been drinking.

drunk resident: (confused, trying to look innocent) Just normal!

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E-LOH: My roommate would stop and sit and cry and stop and and sit and cry.

KEVIN O: It's like "come on! it can't rain everyday!"

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E-LOH: I lost my keys on the path.

KEVIN O: I lost my virginity on the path. You can't rape the willing- that's all I'll say about that.

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Jenni: So when we talk about community...


Jordan: I have an announcement to make.


Jenni: Go ahead, Jordan.


Jordan: I have 3 extra smiley-face stickers from Walmart and I was wondering if anyone needed one.

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KEVIN R: I wish we had an eastern European country nearby. It's like a dollar store for miles.

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KEVIN R: Freshmen are not out to have a good time. They are out to get drunk. When they go out they have no time to do anything but drink, and every once in a while they stop drinking to scream, but then it's right back to drinking.