December 12, 2005 - 11:45 a.m.
(SARAH just got admitted to UW med school and is wasted)KELLY: It's so good to see you!
SARAH: I know! Wait. Can I deliver your children?

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ALISON: He was like "let's just focus on being friends" and I was like "I don't know if I know how to be friends with someone I met two days ago and slept with yesterday."

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JANE: I remember when Adrian said I had a badonkaDANG.

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(tabling at "life after college" fair at Pulaski)
TRUDY: Patrice! I found our new profession! If you take this appliance repair class you can start your own business!
(later)
TRUDY: Okay, let's think about this Kelly. Where can you meet men...(suggests this church)
KELLY: Well that would be a problem because I don't like church.
TRUDY: Well, you could do the appliance repair class. There are lots of men there. And if you don't meet a man at least you'd know how to fix your own appliances.
(later)
TRUDY: You need to go and do something you love and let the men come to you because if we leave it up to you to find them you'll just find losers.

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PATRICE: Here's some information about teen pregnancy...
Pulaski student: That ain't a problem cuz I like guys. Oo. There go a fine one right now!
SOME LADY: Isn't that sad? There are so many here today. They keep getting younger and younger.
(I look up and take a deep breath)
PATRICE: Kelly. Please.
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A VISTA: And this lady was like "be a vista!" and I was like "girl, I am too broke to be working for free."

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BARTENDER: Do you want another?
DAVE KELLY (uncle's friend): Alright. You twisted my liver.
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KELLY: How much do I owe you?
JOE F: Don't worry about it.
KELLY: No way. I can't leave the bill for you!
JOE: Don't worry about it. It's free. Are you going back to my house for pizza?
KELLY: I think so...
JOE: That's free too! It's all free!
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KELLY: Is Maren's mom a lot like Maren?
KEVIN: Maren's mom would read the obituaries and laugh.

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(talking about the church saying gays are going to hell)
JOHN: And I'm just like "cast a fucking spell"
JANE: Wow. I thought you were going to say "cast a fucking stone" which would have been a good allusion.
JOHN: (pause)Is it too late to say that?
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(I go to mels party and am just talking normal but apparantly the crowd is appalled. Mel's friend Adam, however, moves one seat closer)
ADAM: You're a surley one! (pretending to engage in conversation with me) Fuck, shit, bitch, piss, dick, eh?

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(about the tinking in our heater system)
KELLY: What I like about it is that it's regular.
ADAM: It's like a german plumber- he's always gonna be there- reliable. Consistent.
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(these obnoxious drunk guys left Dotties and then came back where they were kindly re-greeted by their friends)
JOHN: We already forgot you existed.

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KELLY: My dad says he doesn't read my blog anymore because it's depressing.
JOHN: Really? Cuz I print my blog out and take it to my (therapy) sessions.

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JOHN (about our bartender that we always used to have at the Vintage): I miss Krista. She was such a little cuttlebug. She reminded me of one of my cats.
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(Trudy leaves a really sweet message for her husband)
KELLY: Aw.
TRUDY: I know. We're just newlyweds. I'm really lucky to be married to such a nice man. Of course, it'd be nicer if he were rich...

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(telling her engagement story)
ANDREA: And I could see through the glass door that he had set out wine and I was like "yay! wine! That's exactly what I want!" (tells rest of story) And then you know I was crying and everything and I said "I'm really glad you bought wine!"

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KELLY: I saw Austin K last weekend and I wanted to go up to him, but you know I couldn't because every time I see him I'm drunk.
JOHN: Well, the fourth step is making ammends.

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JOHN: The nice thing about drinking just the two of us is that we don't have to make ammends to anyone the next morning.
KELLY: Well, except for the bartender.
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JOHN: Yeah that Suds kid was like "I just can't imagine Kelly getting up....and like....working." And I was like "geez! give her *some* credit!

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KELLY (drunk, to substance free kids that had just been to state street arcade): do you have any midget- i mean girl on girl- i mean guy on guy- i mean totally normal porn?