(about teaching regular ed when she's supposed to be teaching special ed)
Katy: I'm teaching this class (about getting ready for life after HS) and it's like half special ed, half regular ed- but I wish it was just special ed so I could be like these are your rights, this is what you do when you have a disability. But I can't do that cuz the whole class would be like "What? Who's retarded?"

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Katy: Oh Kelly, you'll love this one. So one of my students called me "chubby" and I was like "I am NOT chubby. I'm thick." and all of my students were like "AWE MS. CO-LLIN!

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KELLY: What kind of disabilities do you work with?
KATY: Mostly mild ones. Like LD. Oh and some EBD, which basically just means bad. Like these kids are so bad they had to make up a disability to justify their behavior.

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BJ: I've known that guy my whole life and I've never seen him like this.
KELLY: Well, he was doing shots of Jaeger in his van.
BJ: I was just gonna say he LOOKED like a guy that did shots of Jaeger in a van.

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(Dale is so drunk that he makes out with this girl that's been his friend for years)
DALE (pulling away from kiss and leans over to whisper to me): Please get me some water! Please! water! If you get me water I'll do anything you want. I'll take you to dinner or a movie- whatever. Just get me the water and I'll love you forever.
KELLY: Will you take me to see whatever I want?
D: Sure.
KELLY: Will you take me to the gay cowboy movie?
DALE (thinks about it): No. Anything but that.

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(Mary gets a letter from the foodstamps people asking her for more information)
MARY: It's like they give you a few dollars and have to know your whole life!