BRENNA: Dad called and said that mom cried more when Willow left to have her puppies than when I left for Brazil. And then he laughed for like five minutes.

KELLY: I stapled my finger. Do you think something terrible will happen to me?
NICK: I doubt it. T eats the things.

(I tell the kids to draw what happens in "Moonbear's Books." NR draws furiously for about 10 minutes)

NR: Wait, what we supposed to be drawing?
KELLY: Moonbear and all of the books he loves.
NR: Oops! (puts hand over mouth)
KELLY: Why? What did you draw?
NR: A garage.

KEVIN (after Nicki kept refering to boobs as "ta-tas"): Ta-ta's sounds like something a striper named Candi would call her boobs. I think ta-ta's has been out of favor even in the trailer park since about 1995. Cripes Nicole, I swear if we weren't around you would be buying 9-11 commemorative plates and drinking 64 ounce Mountain Dews from Hardee's.

JOHN: i just have this nagging fear i'll show up 30 mins late and be like um oopsies. white boy dont know how to ride the bus.

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(about moving in to his efficiency in st. louis)

JOHN: I felt the cold hand of poverty wrap itself around my neck.

(later)
I would give anything to go to a staff meeting right now.

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(My school is a "SMAART SCHOOL" which stands for "schools making academic achievement responsibly together"- code for "failing school")

MATT: I just have to meet the guy that came up with name a failing school "smart" spelled incorrectly.

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ellen (another teaching intern): All I know is that I need a website where I can download like thousands of math worksheets.

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(after the first day of teaching)

Kristin: ...they were throwing water, I was threatened twice-- said he was gonna kill me...
Julia (instructor): probably not.

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(about the nose ring)

Q (student, 7): You got some paper up your nose!

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MRS. Q (teacher): I don't know what I'm going to do. I was up last night prayin "lord, help me love this child."

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Ms. Jackson: ...she said "my auntie gonna kick yo butt." And I said, "fine! Let her come down here. I'll kick HER butt and in the meantime I'll be kickin yours."

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MaryBeth (cohort): I wish I did have TB.