(about Danny Glover's birthday celebration)

ALISON: Is Danny Glover going to be there?
BJ: He's been invited.
ALISON: What else does he have to do? It's not like they're making "Dumbo Drop 2" anytime soon.

(about why the store she worked at went out of business)
KATE:....and he was doing crack.
KELLY: crack?
KATE: I know, it wasn't even cocaine.

**********************************************

NANCY K: Kelly I've had two goals in my life: to go to europe and see Sinatra preform live. And I did both of those before I was 25 and haven't made a goal since.

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(playing trivial pursuit)

BRE: It's another sport one.
KELLY: Damn, the only sport I know about is Quidditch.

Conversations with Suds

My first year as a House Fellow I met Chris. He wasn't my resident but went to high school with one of them and spent many nights drinking and getting contact cards from me on 7B. Here's our conversation today:

suds: new life plan, win the lotto
Kell: i already tried that once
suds: guessing it didn't work
suds: cure for boredom
suds: that would be best:
suds: it would be a mix between television and Bop-it
Kell: dude i hate bop it
Kell: i never win
Kell: and it makes that annoying sound
suds: that helps the boredom
suds: gets "the juices flowin'
suds: I quit my custodian job
suds: unemployed
Kell: why'd ya do that?
suds: cant make beds for hours
suds: and talk to SOAR children
Kell: oh man. were you drunk when you signed up for that?
suds: no
suds: i am not the best model of university housing
suds: i would show up wasted
suds: and lay in the beds
suds: I quit before i was fired
suds: one of those deals
Kell: yeah...you'd think they would have looked at your housing record before they hired you
Kell: hahahahaha
Kell: that's hilarious
suds: yea
suds: i had many demerits
Kell: did you get caught sleeping?
suds: alot
suds: and watching tv
suds: and @Subway
Kell: hahahahaha
suds: gave me demerits
Kell: so are you going to try to get another job?
suds: i just did
suds: i start today
Kell: where
suds: edgewater pier
suds: cook brats and hotdogs
suds: and look at lake
Kell: lots of rich people there
suds: that is my kind of people
Kell: classy
Kell: but i bet they never passed out in their own vomit outside of ogg hall
suds: shabby sheik
suds: i am a male UW olsen twin
Kell: how's that
suds: borderline useless, on drugs, and slipping from famous youth
Kell: ah yes. that is true
suds: too true
Kell: the good news is that i'll be unemployed and back in madison in a matter of days
suds: hahah
suds: did u quit
Kell: nope. my last day is tomorrow
Kell: i made it through a whole year of americorps
suds: jesus
suds: what are u going to do
Kell: i'm teaching special ed in mil next year
Kell: but until then i'm gonna hang out and sip some soda
suds: at where?
Kell: don't know yet- i'm in this program where you get your certification while teaching
suds: making the big bucks now
Kell: well...big bucks soon. I'll be broke for the next month and a half
Kell: like broker than broke
Kell: fortunately I got approved for one of those capital one cards and it came in the mail yesterday
suds: nice
suds: well i am over 1000$ in credit debt
suds: join the club
Kell: dude that sucks
Kell: i just paid off my debt a year ago
suds: and just got a ticket from the DNR for 220$ for fishing without a license from the monona terrace
suds: i was really happy
Kell: hahahaha
Kell: who were you with?
suds: jamie and tiff
Kell: were they fishing too?
suds: yes
suds: all the homeless ran
suds: I have to go to court
suds: like have to
suds: next friday
Kell: so all three of you got tickets?
Kell: hahaha
Kell: can i come?
Kell: that's hilarious
suds: bring a crowd
suds: make signs
suds: catchy ones like "Catch and Release Suds"
Kell0242: hahaha
Kell0242: are you 21 yet?
suds: yea i am
Kell: when was your birthday?
suds: june 10, 2006
Kell: i can't believe you lived through it
suds: i nearly didnt
suds: i was carried home both nights
suds: and bruised
suds: badly
suds: thrown out of qdoba on state for life
Kell: why's that
Kell: for life?
Kell: really?
Kell: they can do that?
suds: they dont like people flipping tables yelling "Its my fucking birthday make me a burrito you bitches"
suds: then the cooks carried me out
suds: and left bruises under my arms
Kell: hahahahahahaha. who was with you?
suds: dont really remmebr
suds: adrenaline of fight gave me a burst of conciousness that soon faded
Kell: oh my god. that is so suds.
Kell: so do you want to hang out next week?
suds: yea
suds: if i am not working at my new job
suds: talk on the online
suds: well i have to shower
suds: its been days
Kell: alright
Kell: talk to you later
suds is away at 2:57:35 PM.

away message from former resident: I didn't hear that "bad day" song once today. Therefore I am having a very good day.

Fourth of July

JOHN: Do you have a lighter or should I just start rubbing two sticks together?

----------------------------

(mike d, a friend of megan's that drove our drunk asses to club five like a year and a half ago walks by)

JOHN: That's Mike D!
(kelly throws a snap at him. Mike D looks around bewildered and keeps walking)
KELLY: He's my facebook friend!
JOHN (yelling): sorry about the big mac in the back seat of your car!! (to himself) Talk about burnt bridges...

**************************************************************

PETER (drunk guy I threw a snap at and then harassed me the rest of the night): What are you drinking? A goblet of shit?
KELLY: (scoffs)
JOHN: Okay, the goblet comment was funny.

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PETER (to me after I stand up and tell him to come at me): You seem athletic- I'm scared!

**********************************************************

KELLY: Where are you from?
DUDE: Prarie Du Chien.
JOHN: Prarie Douche-ing?

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KELLY (at the end of a long rambling message to Karen E): Um, by the way, I'm not drunk right now I'm just really bad at leaving messages.



above: after two hours of harassing me, Peter starts to sober up and apologizes. On the table you can see the alleged goblet.

NORAH (abc group): Can I just make a weird observation? On a scale from one to... classy I'd have to give this place a one....but they have REALLY NICE toilet paper!

NORAH: The funniest thing I heard was Dave R say, "I rode dirty for nothing."

(there is a box at the Sin Bin- the bar that sponsers our kickball team- that is a collection box for a guy who is in jail. There is a posting on the box about the guy that says...)
SIGN: Joe is currently serving three years in the state pen for six misunderstandings.

(out with Patrice and her friends)
PAM: Tawanna was so drunk at your party. She was falling all over the place. They kept playing that song "goin down" and every time the song said "it's goin down" so did she.