KELLY: I don't know, but maybe it's so wrong it could be right.
MATT: That has to be part of your book title.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

KELLY: How long have you been married?
Mr.B: umm....six years. Don't do it.

********************************************

DAD: She was smoking pot every day. Every day.
MOM: I was not! It was twice!
KELLY: Last time you said it was once!
DAD: Yeah, each time it gets to be more. I'm telling you- every day she'd drive out to those cornfields at lunch.
MOM: How would you even know? You weren't there!
DAD: I was the one selling it to you!

KELLY (to nick): Here. Take NR. And don't bring her back til you've made her cry.

**************************

NICK: So, did you stop talking to [c] or are you throwing yourself in front of that bus again?

KELLY: I can't teach middle school. Middle school kids don't take me seriously.
ADAM (from cohort): Adults don't either.

----------------------------------------

NICK: Q can't cut at all. If he were stuck in a paper house he couldn't cut himself out to save his life. He'd be done.

(Marquan's crawling all over our new teacher and rubbing her body)

KELLY: M, please stop touching Ms. S. People don't like it when you touch them without permission.
M.E. (to Ms. S): May I please touch on your body?

********************************

(I'm singing to Jackson Browne after school)

NR: Ms. R. MS. R!!
KELLY: What?
NR: Why you always singing this white people music?

******************************

D (sixth grader, to my naughty little ones): You better watch out and not get sent to middle school cuz I'm telling y'all: it's a rough life up there.

********************************

(in class)
JULIA (the instructor): I mean, you can at least pair students together, right? That's only two students!
SCOT: Yeah, but that's like pairing Hitler and Mousselini.

I'm taking it as a compliment

KEVIN (about my "craptastic" job): But seriously, I hear "highly disfunctional work place" and I think "Kelly would be good with that."

the perfect voicemail after the day from hell

JOHN: okay I REALLY wish you would answer your phone right now because I have quite the story. I think it might even rival your cunningham stories? maybe...I don't know. But it involves stalking, spying and deception. Catch ya later.