One of the Popular Kids

TAYLOR: I love when a kid gets [suspended] and they come back with all of this knowledge about Andy Griffith and Bewitched.

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KELLY: Did he just call our table from the bathroom? That's weird.
BOG: Not if you know the guy.

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(at Opening Day- porto potty line)

OBNOXIOUS GUY: All the men in line: man up and pee outside. Why the fuck would you be in line for the bathroom if you've got a dick?
KELLY (to girl next to me that knows him): God, he reminds of every guy I went to high school with.
GUY: Seriously, though, what kind of pussy would wait to use the porto potty?
KELLY: Wait.... did I go to high school with you?
(guy laughs)
KELLY: Seriously, what's your name?
GUY: Yeah, no, you look familiar.
KELLY: Where did you go to high school?
GUY: La Follette. I was one of the popular kids.

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(about why she was so frantic about me calling her back)

MOM: Well, last time I had talked to you you were complaining about that guy and I thought, "Oh hell. I hope he didn't kill her."

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(about my dad, who she's been married to for 30 years)
MOM: This guy's really starting to pan out.
KELLY: Pan out?
MOM: Yeah. This place we stayed at was really nice. I was just going through the channels and they had WGN (chicago channel)! It was great.

(playing Mafia)

STUDENT: I know she's guilty cuz I saw her write the Ransen note. (meaning ransom note)

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(students are making passports)

KELLY: What are your interests.
STUDENT: I like sagging.

Ugly Switch

GIRL STUDENT: Someone once told me I had an "ugly switch."
BOY STUDENT: "Someone" was trying to tell you the truth.

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JAY: I told her to look out, cuz God hates ugly.

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JAY: Every time I watch one of those crazy Lifetime movies I'm like, "That's so Sarah."

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MOM (via email, mad because I forgot to email her back): I hope you have a child like yourself.

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LETTA: He came in like, "I know how to put a smile on your face," and I said, "Really? What bills you gonna pay?"

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KELLY: Oh, I don't like that picture. My arms look fat.
LETTA: Come on now! You knew what they was when you left the house!

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KELLY: Was she big?
KATEV: She was like a wall. A wall of woman.

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KELLY: Your guys always have a "handle." What's this guy's handle?
MEARA: We'll call him homonym boy. He's always mixing up his homonyms.
MAGGY: Like what?
MEARA: Well, like to/too, there/their, your/you're. The worst though (cringes) is "no."
MAGGY: What- like "I don't NO you"?
MEARA: Worse. The other way around.
MAGGY: Like "hell know"?!
MEARA: Yup.
MAGGY: HELL KNOW!

(teacher is absent, so I'm pulling non-special ed students into my room to work)

NON-SP.ED: I thought you were fun.
KELLY: You thought wrong.
SP.ED STUDENT: Tell your friends.

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