(I was wearing a vest, which prompted the one-legged older guy at Halliday's to tell me I looked like Marty McFly from "Back to the Future." I was also wearing pigtails)

ONE-LEGGED (to elaine): Your friend with the pigtails- tell her if I don't see her in the past I'll see her in the future.

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(cohort Allison was really drunk and trying to make me "hop" to Thurman's, a hippy bar)

KELLY: I'm having fun here- aren't you having fun here?
ALLISON: I am, but I would love to go where people are just RAUNCHY!

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KELLY: Cranium is too easy!
KATY (frontin'): WHAT did you say?
KELLY: I said "cranium is easy."
KATY: Oh. Okay. I thought you said "Katy is easy."

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(about cursing after teaching for a semester)
SCOT: It's like, "these words used to mean something." They used to hold some power, but now they're like conjunctions.

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KELLY: Were you ever "Scott" with two "t"s?
SCOT: Well yeah, that's my birth name.
KELLY: When did you drop the second "t"?
SCOT: Around high school.
KELLY: Why?
SCOT: Because two seemed redundant. I'd be like spelling Tom "T-O-M-M."

(discussing the importance of teaching "life skills")
SALLY: Of course understanding what change you're going to get back is a good thing, unless you tell the cashier to fuck off before you get it.

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KELLY: Well, she's very perceptive.
MATT: Yeah, she's like a savant.

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(defending someone I see daily)
MATT: You're like an imbedded journalist.
COURTNEY: You have stockholm syndrome.

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(matt got plaid shirts from walmart for christmas that he returned for store credit)
KELLY: Well if you spend it at Sam's it's still the Walmart Corporation.
MATT: Well I'm gonna use it! I'm not giving Walmart $77 that's for goddamn sure!

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(matt says something "matt-esque")
KELLY (to courtney): Why do you live with him?
COURTNEY: I was JUST thinking that! I was JUST thinking that I was glad I'm his girlfriend because I don't think I could be his friend.

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KELLY: I like to sleep on the weekends. Like when you were talking about your ex-girlfriend sleeping until one I was like...
ADAM VL: You were like, "What's she doin? Diggin up worms?"