Plaintiff

(after many years, uncle Mart left the public schools and started up at a private school)

MARTY: Tomorrow is teacher training day. They're gonna teach me how to hold a pencil. "Wait a minute... why does this keep erasing?"

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GRAMPS: Back when Schaller was a drunk someone told him, "You're the nicest degenerate I ever met."

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JOHNNY: Elvis died a month after I married my starter wife.
TOM: Otherwise known as, "plaintiff."

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PHIL: I'm not gay or anything, but if I HAD TO pick a cellmate...

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JALONNA: Do you think he's back with his [ex-girlfriend]?
KELLY: No...not really.
JALONNA: Well do you know where she lives? Cuz some night you should drive over there and look for his car... That's something I would LOVE to do with you.

What intellectual level would that be?

BRENNA: I think you need to find a white guy, Kel. I don't mean to sound racist. I love black guys. They're fun to have sex with. But sooner or later you have to realize it's not going anywhere.

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BRENNA: You need someone that's on your intellectual level. You need someone that can... stimulate you, and you can...(starts laughing) stimulate them too... in more ways than one.

Beautiful summers, though

(dude that manages my grandma's group home calls and asks my dad to dinner)
DAD: ...and I said, "I'm not about to ruin two hours of my life with you... let alone my mother."

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STACY: This city is great in the summer.
JOE: Yeah, if it weren't for the frigid winters, high taxes, violent crime and failing school system, this would be a great place to live!

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SUSAN: She has many great qualities. Sometimes you have to wait, though....a LONG TIME.