I'll have the Perch

KELLY: I'm worried this relationship has ruined my promiscuity.
TIM: Awe. Come on, Kell. I'm sure you'll be back to your slutty ways in no time.

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KELLY: Alright, I'm having a drink. Apparently my sobriety was ruining Meara's birthday.
TIM: It was ruining mine and it's six months away.

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TIM: Wait, what? You're not drinking?
KELLY: No. I can have fun without alcohol.
TIM: NO YOU CAN'T!

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SUDS: Apparently the 2am Tuesday night perch fish fry from Pizza Shuttle isn't so great.

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FAY: We were just sitting there having some snacks...
SUDS: Munching on some perch?

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SUDS: Wait until you see the inside of Fay's car. She has all these games and things. It's like a roving indoor recess.

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(Kate has 3 teenage daughters)

KELLY: So now I'm going to be alone for Christmas, alone for New Year's, alone for my birthday, alone for Valentine's Day...
(silence)
KATE: God... That sounds like heaven. You're not really selling me here, Ranz.

Christmas Spirit

(Maggy, Katy, and Jenny's dad starts to mumble along with the Christmas Karaoke)
KELLY: Oh look! Tom's singing! Are you getting into the Christmas spirit?
TOM: No. The scotch just reached my brain.

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(regarding our family christmas trip to mexico)MOM: You know, they say people aren't going to Mexico because there have been a ton of muggings and pirates abducting people.
ME: Whatever. It still sounds better than last Christmas.

Ignoring

ME: Don't think for a second I'm going to let you sit there and do no work. I come from a long line of naggers.
STUDENT: Yeah, well I come from a long line of ignorers.

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