(names have been changed to protect the possibly gay)
BRON: So, Chris-is the closet he's stuck in locked shut or is he just really far in there?

**********************************

BRON: She doesn't like to brush her teeth because it's too much like fallatio.

-------------------------------

(way hungover)
KELLY: AHHH! I need a....blanket.
MEL: Oh, I thought you were going to say you needed an intervention.
KELLY: That too.

*************************

(brenna and my dad are trying to figure out if a medium and a small pizza equal more pizza than a large)

DAD: You have to do pi r squared.
BRENNA: Pi r squared?
(Later)
KELLY: Matt and Courtney are getting their PhDs in math education.
BRENNA: Oh, so they know about the Pi r squared thing.

------------------------------------

KELLY: Well, the coolest guy in the 8th grade asked me out.
BRON: Did you guys have a good time?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

JOHN: Did you tell him your ovaries were not on the negotiating block?

NR(about my freckles): Ms. R I like your sprinkles.

________________________________________________________

MJ: Ms. R I love your new erasers.
KELLY: Thank you.
NR: Ms. R, I love your new erasers and I love your hair and I love your whole body.
(I'm laughing)
NR: You're supposed to say thank you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MELISSA: The bullshit to orgasm ratio is low.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

KELLY: Would you rather be fed or have sex?
MrB: Both.
KELLY: That's not an answer.
MrB: No, I say "Fuck me, Feed me, then I'm Fleeing." The three "F"s.

******************************************************

MONIQUE: Sometime when they're all smoking up don't inhale, and then you'll hear some fucked up truths.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

(I can hear her son crying in the back)
MONIQUE (in the sweetest voice): Girl hold on one minute while I kick my son's ass.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MONIQUE: ...and I was like "that's fine cus when you gone I'll just talk to these other brothers," and he was like, "oh, so now it's the Beyonce Anthem bullshit," and I was like, "Damn right it's the Beyonce Anthem. Why you think she wrote that song? Cuz of n----s like you."

*****************************************************

KELLY: has mom been on the phone all day?
AMY: haha pretty much!
AMY: and obsessively turning on the vacuum for no particular reason

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

KELLY: how did you ring in the new year?
JOHN: um i went over to my aunt's and uncles house for a big dinner
JOHN: then we sat on the couch and slowly got drunk
JOHN: while watching a documentary about a 627 lb women
KELLY: lol
JOHN: write that one down

-------------

KELLY: I'm trying to think if I've ever kissed someone with a mustache...
BRENNA: I got mine waxed.

*********************************************

KELLY: Brenna likes to share other people's things.
BRENNA: I share!
DAD: You don't have anything!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

(mom puts on my lip gloss)
MOM (to dad): Are you really turned on?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NickS: Your dad kind of reminds me of the retarted brother I never had.

************************************************

(this kid was yelling by the pool all day long driving mom nuts)

MOM: I have an idea! Let's go down to the pool and be as loud as possible!
KELLY: Yeah, too bad we don't know that kid's name.
MOM: It's Felix, that little fucker.

----------------------------------------------

(dad's been singing off-key to the eagles by the pool. NickS turns on some Marley)
NickS: You know what I like best about this song?
DAD: What's that?
NickS: You don't know any of the words.

*****************************************************

(christmas day)
BRENNA: Amy just called me a Nazi.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FELIX (crying and yelling with his british accent at another little boy): I don't like you! You can't come to my party!

****************************************************

(after mom bought goji juice from linda)
KELLY: Mom's pissed because I bought a four dollar sandwich.
AMY: Whatever, go buy some more 150 dollar juice.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

BRENNA: I get a kick out of myself.