(about people eating near them at dinner)

MOM: And dad thought that they were married but I was listening to their conversation and they didn't SOUND married.

-----------------------------

MOM: Dad and Amy made up so apparantly their latest "lovers quarrel" is over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SPEAKER: ...and when teachers put up students' papers with their grades on them I just think, "why don't you put up a copy of their IEP and their ritalin prescription next to it?"

B.R. (11, less than 90 lbs.): I'm awesome.
KELLY: Can't be. I'm awesome.
B.R.: Ms. R- I'm hot when I wake up! I'm sexy ALL DAY.

------------------------------

KELLY: It's silent read time. Open a book!
B.R.: Reading's for rich people.

***********************************

KELLY: Did you wash your hands? Let me smell 'em.
G.G.: Don't put your face near his hand!
KELLY: What?
G.G.: What if he was jiggling it?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(about my favorite student-a first grader- at my last school)
RAMON: And for some reason I thought his name was Rico. He goes, "Hey! Mr. E! Stop calling me "Rico".... unless you call me "Rico BICO!"

-------------------------------

(waiting at a light, we both see this woman shoving chicken in her mouth)

RAMON: That chicken didn't stand a CHANCE.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(on the way to Blockbuster)

KELLY: I want to get knocked up.
(it's quiet. I look over and R's staring)
KELLY: The MOVIE! "Knocked Up" the MOVIE!

Nicki's Wedding

SOMEONE: The Bible IS the good news.
JIM: You know, I read it...and it wasn't the best news I've heard. It was kind of a mixed bag.

------------------------------

(Kelly is mockig Jim meeting Jean Marie and is saying he said "oh my god")
JIM: Okay that is untrue. I did NOT say "oh my God." It may have been equally insincere...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(nicki's family is taking a group pic)

BRON: That's a good lookin family.
JIM: It's as if Hitler won.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

(someone at table makes reference to "the wrong kind of people")

KELLY: Are you calling me, "the wrong kind of people"?
AL: You're drinking BLUSH!

----------------------------------

AL: Wow!
KELLY: What?
AL: Tom just poured the champagne so that the bubbles went to the very top.
KELLY: Wow. I wish I would have seen that.
KEVIN: There's nothing Kelly appreciates more than a full glass.
JIM: I can think of ONE thing...

******************************************

JIM: His spring freshness permeated the room he was such a douche bag.

--------------------------------------

SUSAN: He was like, "Hey driver girl"
BRON: "Hey walker-home boy!"