S.O.S.

(Student is tapping his pencil in the most annoying way)
KELLY: WHAT are you doing?
TONY: Morse Code.

STUDENT: Teacher, you ever read this one book called, "Name Your Baby?"

*********************************

That's What She Said

ALICIA T: I was like black-girl-finger-snappin' mad.

*********************************

(playing softball)

MR.H: Stop talking! This isn't a game you play with your mouth.
(silence... then WAY from right field)
STUDENT: That's what SHE said, yo.

Part of a Group

(on disability projects)

STUDENT: If anyone's doing their reports on ADHD you can use me as an example!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

KELLY: Everyone has their weaknesses.
STUDENT: What's your weakness?
TONY: Dancing?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

KELLY: Who knows how to break the proxy?
(four students raise their hands)
KELLY: Tony, I know you don't know how to break it.
TONY: I KNOW!
KELLY: Then why did you raise your hand?
TONY: I wanted to be part of the group!

KELLY: So, I started therapy last week.
MOM: Finally.

**************************************

MOM: So did you write on your facebook that you started therapy?
KELLY: No! But I did tell everyone I know.

Keeping Up

(watching the Kardashians)

MOM: What happened to their dad?
KELLY: He died.
MOM: Living with these people probably made him sick.

************************

AMY: I think the thing I like most about Kim is her hair.

KIMBERLEIGH: Turkey bacon? That must be a sick joke.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(about Joe Cocker's singing)

DAD: At Woodstock I understood him.
KELLY: FYO- you weren't at Woodstock. Only in state of mind...
DAD: I wasn't? There go a lot of good memories.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Mother's Day 09

MOM: Patty said you should go on match dot com.
BRE (stunned): Mom. You're MARRIED.
MOM: Not ME. Kelly!
BRE: Oh. I was going to say- he's sitting RIGHT THERE!
DAD: I know I'm in la-la land, but I'm not that far out.
BRE: You didn't even react!
DAD: Whatever. As long as it doesn't cost me money.

*********************************************

BRE: And I was like, "Aren't people that meditate supposed to be less judgmental?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BRE: He was like, "You're using I statements. That means you're looking inward." And I said, "Okay, well BRENNA THINKS..."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

BRE: They asked what I was doing this summer and I said, "Oh, I'm TA-ing at Stanford." I didn't mention it was with fourth and fifth graders.

**************************************************

BRE: His car is keeping us together. His car and the G.I. bill.

--------------------------------------------

AMY: Why are you starting therapy?
KELLY: Umm.... WHY??? Where have you been the last 20 years?

STUDENT: I was on this volleyball team where I was all-time server.
TEACHER: Was that a polish league?

----------------------------------

STUDENT: Don't be upset I've got to wear floaties to eat soup.

*****************************

(I'm teaching the kids to play Taboo)
STUDENT: Teacher!! This still feels like learning!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

(a bunch of wild, drunk girls get into a Lexus outside of the club at bar time)

SHAYLA: And that is reason #952 why that is a RENTED Lexus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~